You are an empowered woman!
lesson 1: recipe for success
This week we are going to take a look at what it means to be successful. Success is a loaded term and means different things to each and everyone of us.
This week, I am going to give you some key takeaways to keep in mind as we are getting ready to clue up our course. I want you to keep these handy, pull them out if you have to or even have them visible.
1. Decide what you want.
Let’s face it, it’s impossible to create your ideal ‘dream life’ if you aren’t sure what it actually looks like. In a previous lesson, we narrowed down what it looks like for you. If you forgot, refer back to your homework and get clear about what it is you want. If you still have no idea, give yourself some empty time with a blank page to map out what your “dream” life looks like for you - physically, financially, spiritually, emotionally, in your relationships, the work you do and the impact you make (I left a place in your homework to complete this if you need it). Creating a vision for the future you want provides a compass to guide you forward and helps steer toward what you want and what to steer away from. As the old saying goes, if you don’t know where you’re going, you may end up someplace you don’t much like.
2. Know why you want it:
You have heard me before and you will hear me say it a million times more, you need to have a why. Knowing your big WHY behind the goals and vision you have for your life is so important. We have already been working on this, but consider this a gentle reminder to always have this on the forefront of why it is you are working so hard. Refer back to your previous homework and remind yourself of your why. If you can't find it, was not happy with your why and just need to tweak it, I left a section in your homework this week to get it on paper.
3. Take action, massive action:
It’s easy to live with excuses and justifications about why you can’t do what you want, at least not now. Maybe later. But inaction will keep you stuck, with the same problems, the same pain points and the same results. Nothing is a more powerful antidote to fear than action. Daily action. Massive action! Don’t wait to know everything before you do something. Start talking to people. Jump outside your comfort zone. Extend an invitation. Apply for the job. Risk a rejection. Ask for an introduction. Introduce yourself to an influencer. Offer your services. Get your finances in order. Do the thing. Ask for help. Learn a skill. Join a group. JUST DO SOMETHING. Every. Single. Day.
4. Reframe problems:
So you’ve got problems, ahum we all do. The tough economy, a difficult boss, negative people in your life, your job, unsupportive family, too little resources/education/experience/finances (or lack thereof), no money to invest, the list goes on. It’s not your problems that keep you from creating what you want, it’s the story you tell yourself about them that provides you with an excuse to stay in your comfort zone. If you haven`t seen the training I did on stories the other day, you need to head over to the tribe and listen. To quote Tony, “See things as they are but not worse than they are. Your problems are really just invitations to step through fear.” BAM, there is a mic drop for you.
5. Tell stories that expand possibilities (discard beliefs that don't).
You don’t see the world as it is, but as you are. Let me say that again, You don't see the world as it is, but as you are. Accordingly, the words you use to describe your present, past, or future create the reality you inhabit. It is called the science of language and impacts your actions. If you cast yourself as a helpless victim, you’ll be just that. If you cast yourself as the master of your life, you’ll be that too. You can’t change your history, but you can rewrite your story of it and in so doing, expand the possibilities for your future. To quote Tony, “The past does not equal the future. Unless you live there." Once again, the training I did the other day speaks to this as well.
6. Flip fear into an ally.
Too often we cast fear as ‘the enemy’ when in fact, if fear wasn’t wired into our DNA we humans wouldn’t be here. We need fear to keep us on our toes. We need our fight or flight instinct to keep us alive. Rather than vilifying fear, we need to harness its energy and make it work for us. Yup, you heard me right. We can do that by focusing not on what might happen, the worst case scenarios, the risk of failing at achieving our goals and dreams, but how we will feel if we avoid the risk, what you will missing out if you don't try. Psychologists call this “Neuro-Associative Conditioning.”
We did this exercise the other day and it was powerful. Just a refresher, you can do this by stepping into your future self and imagining how you’ll feel in the years to come if you let the fear that’s undermined your actions to now continue to pilot your life. Use this exercise to overcome fear. Get really present to how much it will cost you if you continue to believe it. Visualize yourself staring at yourself in a mirror 1, 5, 10, 25 years from now if you’ve let it continue to keep you from stepping up to the plate in your life and doing whatever it takes to achieve what you want.
7. Adjust course as you go.
This one is so important because we are bound to have bumps in the road as we go. Things rarely ever work out as we plan them and most often there will be a detour along the way. Whenever you take a flight the plan is to take you from point A to point B. Sometimes due to weather, you might have to change the altitude, reroute or even make a detour. You still get to your destination but sometimes for the better, you need to make some adjustments. If you aren’t getting the results you want, change what you’re doing. Be flexible, adjust as needed, try something new, refuel.
8. Create daily rituals for 'peak state.'
You know how big I am on rituals and morning/daily routines. These bad boys have helped me tremendously. Being in peak state allows you to be your best self even when things aren't going your way. These rituals allow you to have a sound mindset to help guide you, they keep you confident and help you step into your own every day and take those lows like a champ. Some of my daily rituals are affirmations, journaling, meditation, checking my limiting beliefs, allowing myself to check in regularly and adjust, checking my stories I tell myself and to stand in who I am and go for what I want.
9. Embrace uncertainty.
Most people want to feel in control of their lives and able to make decisions based on a future they can predict with certainty. Certainty usually stems from a past of loss of control. But regardless of how much you want to control your life, let’s face it, you can’t. Life is inherently uncertain and any certainty you think you have (beyond death and taxes) is mere illusion. Embracing life’s uncertainty is liberating. You need to be able to adjust your sails as the wind changes around you (rather than flipping out because it wasn’t in the weather forecast). Challenge yourself to let go of the certainties, catch them, adjust and then let them go.
10. Schedule priorities.
If you aren’t deliberate in how you prioritize your time, other people’s priorities will consume it. If you want it to happen, you have to be intentional with your time because if not, time will slip by and you will have not accomplished what you want. I have learned to become deliberate with my time and I schedule in the things I know help me. So schedule in your "MUST DO" activities into your calendar – for exercise, family, reflection, planning, cooking, date night and the rituals to achieve your 'peak state.' Assuming you’ll just find the time amid the busyness of your life is just not going to cut it.
11. Find your ‘A team.’
Never underestimate the impact of the people around you to lift you up or hold you back. You are who you surround yourself with so be deliberate on who you spend your time with. If the people you’re hanging out with aren’t bringing out your best and bravest, step out of your comfort zone and find people who will. I know this is easier said then done but I cannot stress the importance. Unfortunately, you can’t help but become more like the people you have surrounding you.
12. Be grateful for everything (even the crap!).
Gratitude is my jam. You cannot be grateful and miserable at the same time. It is the most powerful tonic for life yet it is the most under utilized tool. Too often we focus on what is missing from our lives and what we don’t have rather than on all that we do. You know my stance on gratitude and you know I practice it daily. When we focus on the negative and what we don`t have it keeps us in scarcity, fuels resentment, self-pity and a sense of powerlessness. So stand guard of your mind and when you catch yourself dwelling on what’s missing, refocus your attention on all that you already have. People who have a habit of forever focusing only on what’s missing, what they can’t do, or don’t have will always be miserable no matter how many positive things they have in their life.
“The difference between peak performance and poor performance is not intelligence or ability; most often it’s the state that your mind and body is in.” —Tony Robbins
When was the last time you were in a bad mood? How did being in that state affect other parts of your life? We often feel like our emotions are beyond our control, but that’s entirely untrue. In reality, you have the power to learn how to change your mood, and can do so in an instant.
So, how do you reset your mind, even when you’re dealing with immense stress? The secret is in moving your body. Emotion is created by motion. In other words, emotions are linked to movement in our bodies. Observe your posture when you are happy, as opposed to when you are sad — or what you look like when you are angry, verses when you are elated.
There’s a difference, right? Your body language sends signals to your brain, and the rest of the world, about how you’re feeling and operating. It is not only in your physical appearance but also in your brain. If you have a poor posture, it only lends itself to poor emotions, or a negative state. Good posture and alertness produce a more positive state.
Here is how Tony explains it:
We all get in negative psychological and emotional states at times, but when you find yourself in that place, change your body and get in state. To change your mood, you can do something as simple as adjusting your posture. You can make eye contact with the people around you. You can smile, just to trick your mind into thinking you’re feeling better than you actually are. Eventually, your emotions and mindset will follow suit.
Once you accept that you are solely in control of your emotional well-being, you can move away from bad moods and learn to exist in a beautiful state, any time.
This might sound familiar to you as it was discussed in the triad. BUT, I wanted to bring it up again as it is such a quick an easy way to change your physiology, change your mood, change your emotions, change how you feel and get you to a place where you can make changes.
SO, this week when you find yourself feeling angry, agitated, upset, frustrated, etc, CHANGE YOUR STATE. In our homework we are going to narrow down what that looks like for you. In could mean stretching, dancing to your favourite music (I have an emergency dance playlist on hand for these days), going for a walk, jumping on your trampoline, whatever works for you needs to be in your toolbox.