Can we just have a little ol chat about the D word. (Stay with me now ;) )
Hands up if you have ever been involved, witnessed or been a victim of DRAMA with women. I see you girl and I know you are with me on this. Drama, especially between women absolutely breaks my heart and drives me batty.
Now, I don’t mean disagreements, or people having differing opinions or even women who are direct and to the point. I mean the behind the scenes, the place where drama is born.
Curious, what just came to mind when I spoke of drama?
I am going all unpopular here and actually going to talk about this because man, I see so many relationships ending and growing apart because of the big ol D.
But where the heck does this Drama come from?
Well, I am going to get some of this out in the air with the hopes of shedding some light on a dark situation and encouraging some uncomfortable dialogue with the hope of some improved relationships.
But, first of all, before we dive in, I want to make it quite clear that I am not perfect in all the things I am shining light on but am actively working on these as I know the damage it can cause.
The stories we make up.
We make up so many stories when we live in the unknown. We create scenarios that are nowhere near the truth. We make up how another person is feeling and what they are thinking. We create a dialogue that is only one sided and instead of sitting down and having the tough conversations, we stay stuck in our heads creating stories of possible outcomes instead of actually sitting down and finding out the other side, the other perspective.
Seriously ladies. Let’s have the conversations with those we love instead of having a one sided conversation with ourselves and painting the other person with our own insecurities.
Talk it out.
I am going there….insecurities. Oh you know it. We ALL have our own insecurities, we judge ourselves, we compare ourselves and we often hold the women around us hostage for those insecurities. We see someone confident, we make up a story, we compare, we start painting them as a bad person and voila, a wedge is formed.
We look at someone else succeeding and doing what you dream of doing, we internalize that, we feed the jealousy, we look for their flaws and we judge them HARSHLY. We don’t show them compassion, we hold them to unacceptable standards and voila, a wedge is formed.
We look at someone who is being positive DESPITE their hardships. We quickly judge them for being "too" positive. We secretly hate the fact that they are moving on and you are feeling stuck. We look at their positivity as a threat and start distancing yourself and hold THEM responsible for it instead of looking inside... voila, a wedge is formed.
We are triggered by someone and their happiness. We laugh at their drive. We put them down instead of encourage them. We talk about them behind their backs and mock them. We make judging them a habit because looking inward is too hard and taking it out on others is easier....voila, a wedge is formed.
You see the trend here? Instead of digging deep and looking at what is happening internally, we project, we create stories that separate, that isolate and that ultimately ends relationships and creates wedges that are self-made.
But here is the thing, we can bypass this and it isn’t about NOT having the feelings of insecurities. It is about really looking at them. Observing our thoughts. Being willing to take responsibility for our part. By having the difficult conversations. By being open. By being vulnerable and by being willing to own your part and move forward.
I bet as you are reading this, there is someone in your life you may have been judging a little too harshly. Someone you may have been triggered by. Someone who you might be holding to high standards. Someone who you have been using as a punching bag to satisfy and validate your own story. Someone who you may have pushed away with the fear of having a raw, honest conversation to see their side of the story.
Heal that. Work on that. Talk about that. Look at the WHOLE situation. Have the hard conversations. Stop pretending you know what the other person is feeling and going through. Show compassion. Be vulnerable. Own your part.
This is where we stop the drama.
It is never too late to heal the relationships that you want, to heal friendships, to do the inner work and to move past the D word.
Calling out your own drama is the first part of healing it with the ladies in your life.
Lots of love,