“You will only be as happy as you allow yourself to be!”
I know, I know, seems a little outrageous and you might be thinking how the heck can I be happy if all these things are happening to me in my life? It is easy for her, she has it all going for her and it is easy to be happy when you have things to be happy about.
Guilty confession, I have said those EXACT same words not too long ago.
Ummmm, but now that I know better, I call b&*^ shit on that.
I realized the hard way that thinking those thoughts and playing a victim to my story was not helping me one bit and in fact it was keeping me stuck…. REAL stuck. Little did I know, that I was comfortable with that story, the "poor me" story that so many of us fall into.
But, I have some truth bombs for you.....
First of all, reality check, I do NOT have (and never have and probably never will) have it all together because hey, where would the fun be in that. Plus, it is in these moments, the chaos if you will, where we grow and learn things about the real us and where we learn valuable lessons.
Second of all, because I choose to take control of my thoughts does not mean everything is all rainbows and butterflies. In fact, there are days when I look at my life and go “wow, I could totally call my life a crap show right now.” But, I quickly adjust the sails and here I am still living a happy life and embracing each day and living a grateful life despite the crappy stuff in the background.
But here is the thing, I could focus on all the shitty things that are surfacing up the last couple of months OR, I could take control of my mindset, acknowledge those limiting thoughts and beliefs and kick them to the curb. I could look at my circumstances and instead of playing victim and focusing on things that aren't going right, I can focus on the things that are going pretty awesome for me.
Let me show you what I am talking about.
For example, here I am, across the country, away from my husband, away from friends, away from family, away from my fur baby, having some health issues, missing some amazing moments at home and had some rejections in terms of job opportunities. Gentle lord, just writing this out makes me feel sad, changes my mood and puts me in a TOTAL disempowering state. Now, I am not saying that I don't miss home or I don`t have feelings because man do I ever. BUT, the key here is to not focus on this ALL the time.
If I spent my 8 months away from home focusing on this and only this, I would have a suffering 8 months. I would be playing victim to my circumstances and totally miss many opportunities that might come my way.
So, instead of having this as my focus, when these thoughts come up I do a little exercise. I stop, drop and do a grateful list. I focus on what I have right in front me, take note of the things I am grateful for and stop my mind from barreling down into a state that really is not going to serve me. Seems simple, right? Well, it is that simple. If we can change our state, change our mood, and redirect our thoughts, we win.
“Whatever we focus on, we see more of!”
It takes a lot of work, I admit. It takes being mindful, being aware of your thoughts and then taking MASSIVE action to change it. The brain is designed to keep you in flight and fight mode so it wants to keep you in this state. BUT, you can change this pattern with constant recognition and reprogramming.
Over my journey of taking control of my mind and not negotiating with it, I have learned to really be mindful. I am not saying that these thoughts don't pop up, because they certainly do, but the key is when they do pop up, you take control and make a change. One of the reoccurring affirmations, sayings, mantras or whatever you want to call them, that has been a life saver for me over the last 8 months is.......
“If the door doesn't open, it isn't meant for you!”
Why not try and make your own mantra or saying to help you switch your focus?
In the meantime, I encourage you to try being mindful and actually pay attention to the thoughts that are going on through your mind and when you catch those negative thoughts, take control and change them. If you are trying this and it doesn't seem to be working for you, reach out to me and I can help you with the process. I can tell you honestly, when I began to learn how to not negotiate with my mind, it was a game changer and I know it will be that for you too.
“If you don't actively choose your thoughts, your brain will do it for you!”