master your mindset
Module 5 - values
This module is going to wrap everything up by assessing our values and getting clear on the things that are important to us. We are going to be clearing the space to make sure you are actually living according to YOUR values and ensuring we have a toolkit for keeping our mindset sound after this course.
“When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.” Roy E. Disney
What comes to mind when I ask you "What are your values?" Take a moment and just jot down what values mean to you. Write it on a sticky and bring it to the call Monday night so we can share what some of your values are.
The thing with values is that they drive you. They are an indicator of your fears, your behaviours, how you interact with others, what your relationships look like and how you conduct your life. Often times, these values are deeply engrained and we aren`t even aware of them. So, this lesson is going to bring them to the surface, we are going to get clear on what they are and THEN we are going to make sure we are living our lives according to these values.
Oftentimes our conflicts, our unhappiness and our situation of feeling "stuck" is because we have drifted away from our values and instead are living according to others values. No wonder we feel unhappy, unfulfilled and out of sorts. This brings me to one of my FAVOURITE quotes.
"VALUES ARE WHO YOU ARE, NOT WHO YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE TO FIT I!"
A couple of notes before we dig into identifying what our values are:
1.) Values are not morals. Morals are usually defined by society. They are the part of us that is conditioned by external experiences.
2.) Values are the backbone in which you live your life.
3.) Our goal is to align our values with actions. This is where the magic happens. This is where alignment happens. This is where happiness happens.
4.) Remember to be honest with yourself as I guide you through some prompting questions. Not being honest will hold you back from finding your values.
5.) Be aware of what comes up when you reading each question. Don`t question or judge your value, just write it down and close the door on your ego.
This exercise is going to force you to dig deep and really listen to what your heart and soul is telling you. Seems corny, I know, but this is where you get a true sense of what your values are. If you are struggling with identifying your values, these questions will help in identifying them. These were inspired by Melissa Moore from the book Whole but I added my own flare and ideas to them.
Please note there is a homework template for this exercise, so make sure you checkout the homework section and print it off before you begin.
1.) Remember the last time you felt bad about someones behaviour toward you. What was at the heart of your pain. Did you feel you were treated without dignity or respect. These values might be what you believe are important to live by and to defend in yourself and others. Now, don`t confuse this with victimhood and remember that we can`t control other peoples behaviours. BUT, we can see that a value is evident in the way you feel. Look for the VALUE not the EMOTION. If you feel this is relevant, write it down as a value .
2.) Is there a story that brings tears of joy to your eyes no matter how many times you hear or read it? Notebook? HELLO? This gal cries EVERY SINGLE TIME. Is your story a story about redemption, acceptance, love, heroism? Perhaps these lead to your values. Add them to your list.
3.) Is there an action that you define as intolerable, no matter who does it. Is there something so bad that it turns your stomach and makes you upset? It could be lying, cheating, people being rude and mean? For me, when someone is purposefully mean to others, it really bothers me. Kindness to everyone is a solid value of mine. Whatever came up for you, add it to your list.
4.) Has someone treated you or done something for you in a way that transformed you, made you believe in humanity again, or altered your life for the better? Has this person shown you unconditional love, relentless support, or generosity? If so, generosity and love might belong on your value list.
5.) Do you wish your parents gave or did something different for you? Do you want to emulate any of their behaviours or do you want to change the pattern and act differently? These actions and your answers might guide you to your values. They could be honesty, loyalty, unconditional love or even trust. Add them to your values.
6.) Can you think of a time when you were very proud of yourself? For me, I am proud when I help others. Giving back, helping others and kindness are strong values of mine. Think of a time when you were proud, write it down.
7.) Do you have a time when you felt satisfied and fulfilled? Ask yourself what you were doing and why you felt satisfied. What were you doing to feel satisfied? Write this as a value.
By now you should have a strong idea of what your values are. BUT, if you are still struggling and not sure on your list. Here is list of some values that might resonate with you. If they resonate, circle them and add them to your list.
Once we have our values identified, we will then take a look at our actions and see if they are aligning. The homework template will prompt you on how to do.
Also, please remember that we are only touching on Values and if you are struggling with identifying and living by them after this Module, please reach out to me. There are many ways you can work with me to ensure you are implementing all these skills we are learning. I am here to help.
Part 2 of this Module is to ensure we know where to go from here. I like to call this your toolkit. When the course is over one of two things will happen.
1.) You will continue practicing these habits (that is the only way they they will stick).
2.) You will gradually fall back into old habits.
These strategies only work if you do. You have to commit, you have to put it first, you have to dig deep and you can`t give up.
So, we need to sum everything up that we have learned and make sure we keep you on track.
Take a look at the infographic below to remind of you the major take-aways and reminders. You can also print it off in the homework section if you wanted to put it up in your office, on your fridge or even mirror to give you friendly reminders.
We will talk more about this on the call but for now, let`s make sure we know our values and know them well. Head on over and get that homework done and see you Monday night!