say yes to you!
Module 2 - Lesson 1
This lesson is all about finding our unique qualities and owning them. We often compare our abilities (or lack there of quite often) to others which often leads to not owning our own unique skills and feeling pretty down about ourselves. This week, we will identify what your strengths and skills are and how to use them to reach your goals and let your uniqueness shine through. We will continue to grow on finding ways that make YOU shine and identify things that bring happiness into your life.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” —Theodore Roosevelt
One of the biggest things we are all guilty of is the comparison trap. Chances are it began at an early age, especially if you have siblings or even in the school system.
Thoughts like … “I wish I looked like so and so!”
“I wish I could play sports like….”
“I wish I had her hair….”
“I wish I had her confidence!”
“I wish I had her body!”
The comparison trap is unfair and often leads to a feeling of not being good enough, a feeling of being unmotivated, depressed and unhappiness.
I think we all know deep down that comparing ourselves to others does not serve us but in case you need a reminder of why this habit is so damaging, check out the list below.
Here are just a few reasons why you should STOP the comparing game:
1.) It damages your sense of self and dims your own amazing qualities:
By comparing yourself to others you are focusing on their strengths and forgetting about your own. We all have our strengths and weaknesses and that is a beautiful thing. Keep in mind it is ok to admire other peoples strengths without questioning your own.
2.) It doesn't help you get any further ahead in achieving your own goals:
Comparing steals away your confidence and therefore more likely to doubt ourselves and not go for our goals. It puts the focus on the wrong person and things that we do not have in our lives which really makes it difficult to get the motivation to set and achieve goals. Let`s face it, if you are feeling inadequate and you are constantly comparing yourself, how are you able to have the confidence to make the life you have always wanted. Shifting your focus from others to you and practising gratitude for what you have is a simple solution to help make this change stick.
3.) You are falling for society's values NOT your own:
This goes back to those dang limiting beliefs. Society has done a great job brainwashing us to think we need to look and act a certain way. We are comparing ourselves based on societal values, not necessarily our own. So, this lesson will help us refocus on our own values and steer clear of conforming to societal pressures.
4.) NO ONE is perfect:
NO ONE has it all together, we all have our own weakness and we often generalize thinking that the person we are comparing ourselves to has it all together. Chances are they don`t. We all have our own pile of problems, they are just unique, but they are there.
5.) Comparisons can turn friends into enemies:
When you compare, negative feelings and jealousy can creep up causing friends to become a threat or a false enemy. By refocusing on ourselves, appreciating the qualities of our friends and family we can be supportive but not threatened by their strengths.
Ok, so I know what you are thinking. Ok, comparing myself to others is a no-no but how the heck to start doing that? A-hum, I am here to show you EXACTLY what to do.
How to stop comparing ourselves to others:
1.) Recognize your OWN successes and focus on them:
When you find yourself starting to compare yourself to others, dig out this week`s homework and remind yourself of all the awesome attributes you have. By changing your state, stopping that limiting belief and replacing it with how kick ass awesome you are, you will eventually start making the shift to believing and appreciating the amazing qualities you ALREADY have.
2.) Compete less and appreciate more:
Stop making it a competition and allow yourself to appreciate other peoples attributes while appreciating your own. Just because you admire someone for their strength, their beauty or whatever the heck you are admiring, that doesn`t mean you have to put yourself down.
It always comes back to gratitude. Be thankful for your own strengths and all the awesome things in your life. Switch the focus from them and realize the beauty you already have in your life. Yes, I know, this is tough. But like I have said, practice makes progress and the more you practice this, the connections get stronger and you will start seeing this shift.
4.) Remember the above, NO ONE IS PERFECT:
Everyone has their strengths but everyone also has their weaknesses. If we all had the same, it would be a boring place to live. Often times we compare our misfortunes to other peoples highlight reel. Be gentle with yourself.
5.) Be inspired by other people's strengths rather than threatened:
Instead of feeling threatened by other peoples strengths, look at other peoples strengths and learn from them and be inspired instead of harbouring feelings of resentment. If they have a skill or attribute you admire, consider them a mentor and learn from them.
6.) Recognize your own amazing talents and strengths:
Love yourself and own all the great qualities you have. You are amazing and you are enough!
So this brings me to your homework for the week:
This week, we have a two part task.
I have to be honest, when I did this task myself, I found it very difficult and very emotional to do BUT it was effective.
As you might have noticed, this is tied in with our limiting beliefs. Our limiting beliefs often lead us to comparing which often results to feelings of insecurity.
Today, you are going to write a letter to YOU. But there is a catch. You are going to write a letter to YOU as a child.
In this letter you are going to comfort her, tell her how to overcome her insecurities, squash all the limiting beliefs she has about herself and help point out all the amazing things about her and what amazing things are to come in her future.
I want you to dig deep and think about this as your chance to set this little girl free of all the restrictions that have been put on her, all the doubt, all the worries, all the insecurities and all the limitations.
You might be thinking, why in gods name do I have to do that, well here is why.
Most of our limiting beliefs are created when we are children and going back to that state and changing the story helps create the future you want and helps you let go of those limiting beliefs.
We are always more gentle with the child within us and studies have shown that by addressing the inner child (sometimes known as our EGO or subconscious) that we are able to make true changes.
The language we use with children is much more conducive and kind.
We tend to want to help the inner child more than the adult.
When you write this letter it may cause a stir of emotions and cause you to really recognize and pinpoint certain stories or beliefs you have and you will find you will tend to be a little more honest when dealing with your inner child. Often times we put up boundaries and we think that if we confront our biggest fears or limiting beliefs as an adult that it shows weakness but by confronting our inner child we give yourself permission to really dig deep.
Remember to be gentle with yourself.
This part of your homework will be a little lighter and should leave you feeling confident and eager to move forward.
Today, we celebrate and focus on all things that make you, YOU! I want you to write down all of your accomplishments, your skills, your attributes, your strengths, things that you are good at, your hidden talents, what you LOVE about yourself, things people love about you, I want to see a list of ALL the great things/people in your life.
By writing down all the amazing things you have created or manifested in your life, you are really able to break through the comparison trap and instead of focusing on your inadequacies you can realize just how amazing you are.
This week is all about recognizing your strengths and allowing yourself to shine.
Note: As always, be gentle with yourself, don't judge yourself while doing these exercises and be honest about what is coming up and what you are feeling.
Check the PDF file for templates.