MODULE 3

You are an empowered woman!

lesson 3: vulnerability

This week we are going to get down and dirty and talk about vulnerability. This is so often a taboo subject and many people don`t want to talk about it. WHY?

Well mostly because being vulnerable is seen as a weakness and people steer clear of that because no one wants to be thought of as weak. BUT, we are here to break those trends and thoughts and to understand why being vulnerable not only needs to be talked about but it needs to be part of our lives. 

Take a look at this answer from Brene Brown when asked about her own vulnerability. 

"Vulnerability is basically uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. I was raised in a “get ‘er done” and “suck it up” family and culture (very Texan, German-American). The tenacity and grit part of that upbringing has served me, but I wasn’t taught how to deal with uncertainty or how to manage emotional risk. I spent a lot of years trying to outrun or outsmart vulnerability by making things certain and definite, black and white, good and bad. My inability to lean into the discomfort of vulnerability limited the fullness of those important experiences that are wrought with uncertainty: Love, belonging, trust, joy, and creativity to name a few. Learning how to be vulnerable has been a street fight for me, but it’s been worth it."

Who here can relate? How were you raised?

How do you interpret this? Do you notice any areas of your life where you are holding back from being vulnerable? Do you see any areas that would benefit from you being vulnerable?This week we are going to take a look at different areas in your life where you can test the waters and be a little more vulnerable. 

The problem lies in the fear of what others think and this holds us back from being vulnerable. We put up walls, go with the crowd, cave on our values and we just fall into the habit of being unintentional with our time and allowing our lives to be driven by societal norms. 

It is tough to go against what we know. It is tough to go against the crowd. It is tough to fight the thoughts of not being enough. I get it, it is hard work. But, when we don`t step into vulnerability, we end up hustling for our worthiness rather than standing in it. When we’ve attached our self-worth to what we produce or earn, being real gets dicey and far out of reach. The reality is, so many people live their lives based on other people worth and that has got to stop. 

Remember, YOU ARE AN EMPOWERED WOMAN and you get to choose the direction of your life. You get to live life according to your standards. You get to live your life and be ok with the life you have created. You don`t need shiny things, you don`t need to be hustling all the time, you don`t need to have the perfect life. Living an ordinary life is often living an extraordinary life. It is the moments we build each day that create our happiness and as long as we are living in the "shiny object syndrome" world, your happiness will always be out of reach. 

The good news is that people are getting tired of the hustle. They are getting tired of the masks and people are finally saying they are not ok. They are sharing their stories. They are showing empathy and people are beginning to make the shift. People are acknowledging their "weaknesses", hey we all have them. Even Superman had one, kriptonite. This makes people more relatable and gets rid of the perfection piece. `Cause I hate to tell you, PERFECT DOES NOT EXIST. Sorry I yelled there, it gets me fired up. 

I m`a gonna share another brilliant thing Brene Brown shared during one of her interviews....

"In the research there’s a significant difference between perfectionism and healthy striving or striving for excellence. Perfectionism is the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. Perfectionism is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.

 

Perfectionism is also very different than self-improvement. Perfectionism is, at its core, about trying to earn approval. Most perfectionists grew up being praised for achievement and performance (grades, manners, rule following, people pleasing, appearance, sports). Somewhere along the way, they adopted this dangerous and debilitating belief system: “I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect.” Healthy striving is self- focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will they think? Perfectionism is a hustle."

Let me repeat that last thing.... "Perfectionism is a hustle!"

By now you might get the idea of how passionate I am about this topic. Tonight on the call we are going to dig a little deeper, we are going to have a real honest to goodness chat about what it means to be vulnerable and how avoiding this has impacted in your life. 

I for one am done with acting, done with the pretending and done with the notion that showing vulnerability means weakness. 

Repeat after me "I am a MF (you can leave that part out) empowered woman and my emotions are my super power!"

How to start this process?

So, here are some things to keep in mind as you practice "daring greatly" in your own life (From Brene Brown):

  • Recognize that facing vulnerability takes enormous courage. Take small steps (like asking someone what they are thinking) and be proud of your bravery when you do.
     

  • Let go of the constant worry about what other people think of you. Most people are focused on their own internal struggles, not you.
     

  • Feeling overwhelmed? Focus your attention gently on your breath and the sensations in your body for a few moments before returning your attention back to the task at hand.
     

  • Don't worry about being perfect-in fact, don't even consider it. No one is perfect, and the more you hold yourself to an impossible ideal, the more easily you will give up.

Now, head on over to your homework so we can get started. 

"Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen!"

“Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”

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